Dealing With Domestic Violence

I had barely finished the service on a Sunday that a woman told the interpreter she wanted to see me. After the benediction, I waited to hear her story. She spoke fast amidst tears but could only speak in Gbagyi hence I needed the interpreter to help out.

The interpreter told me she said she had been beaten by her husband who is also a member of the church. I snapped. I was about to summon the husband but she pulled me back and kept talking. I told her to hold on and let me reprimand the husband while she was there. She held me back! She had not finished her story. The interpreter told me to calm down and listen patiently. I did. She told her story.

Her husband married two wives and she is the younger wife. The husband had gone to the farm while the two of them stayed at home with the kids. An argument ensued between them and they fought. The husband came back and was told by neighbours that his wives fought while he was away. He asked what happened and in his judgment, the younger wife caused it all. He went inside took his whip and flogged the younger wife leaving the older wife with just a warning. This pained the younger wife and that was why she was reporting him to me. She concluded by saying "the two of us fought but he beat only me. Why did he not beat the older wife?"

 

Women in the Church

Then it clicked. She was reporting him to me not because she was beaten but because her counterpart was not beaten. She had no problem with being beaten but her grouse was his partiality. Two of them deserved to get the whip. I calmed down and asked the interpreter whether it was a common practice among the villagers and he said yes. As a sort of discipline or punishment for wrongdoing, a lot of men beat their wives and the women accepted it that way.

Oluwa oh! I've got my work cut out for me. This requires wisdom. There was a need for a complete re-orientation that would bring about a behavioural change. How do I stop this immediately? It has to be through what they fear and respect. Preaching alone might not bring about an immediate impact.

Now, I know they fear the government and the police. Nobody wants to be arrested and be spending money on bail, police, and court cases. I latched on that and announce at the next service that the Government had said all those beating their wives should be arrested and that wives were advised to report their husbands if they were being beaten. I added that I may be asked if it was true and as their Pastor, I would never tell lies to defend them. I would snitch on them and support the government in getting them to jail. I could see fear and worry in the eyes of the men but I kept a straight face.

I then proceeded to preach on what the Bible talks about husband and wife.

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church" Ephesians 5:25-29

After the sermon, I went back to the warning from the government.

"Beat your wife and go to jail!" I asserted.

Since that time there has been no case of any man (to the best of my knowledge) raising his hand against his wife.